i dont want to believe in any kind of ship, relationship, friendship and everything that ends with love.
Monday, December 13
i had a big sin. i never expected that i could get to that point because of anger.i've never felt so pissed off with them as much as i was last night (and until now). i just couldn't help thinking that way. i wanted to really cry last night but my mom's around. and as soon as she went upstairs and im alone, tears began to flow unto my eyes. i've never been hurt like that before. i cannot even sleep because of i really feel awful and mad. i even cried myself to sleep and challenged Him not to wake me up again for the 3rd time. after waking up, pain seem to go away but after eating breakfast and sitting on the corner trying to relax before i take a bath, pain seem to get back again. and things became unexpected. i was so mad that i want them be killed. thats one of the awful thoughts i had so far in my whole life. i know i've been bad to Him. i commit too many sins because of impulsive emotions. but you cant blame me. i've never felt so humiliated. they just dont know how much those words hurt my feelings. the person i think who believes so much from me said that to the whole world affirmed by my most trusted person. i hope they learn to respect me a lil bit more. and learn to be more sensitive with my feelings. i thought i dont want to live in this world anymore, but this morning, i thought, its not that i wanted to end my life, its more like i want to live in a world where people loves me and shows it. i've tried my very best to be really nice to everybody. i've never loved my friends as much as i love them now. but all i get was those words and this awful feeling about myself. God, if you're really real, why do you allow other people to hurt your child?
P.S. im sorry for being like this. i just couldn't take away the pain.
Juiced 8:25 PM
