forever alone Christmas.
Sunday, December 19
i never felt so alone than this past week. its like a living hell. i kept on crying over things. i hate crying. especially if its december. cause its supposed to be a happy season. you know that feeling. that you just keep everything inside you and there’s no one to tell your pain. you seek for a friend but there’s no one answering. everybody’s busy and acting weird lately. i dont know if i made a big mistake in my life for choosing the wrong people because i cant find someone who could make me feel better during this time. was it suppose to be that your friends would make you feel better when you’re sad. but i got no one. everytime i remember things i just couldnt stop pausing and trying to stop my self from crying. this is the reason why i dont like to take college before. because as soon as i finish it, i know it’ll be just me, my mom & tita and who else? nothing really lasts forever than your life and your family. they’re the only thing i got. im so tired living alone. i never had a sister nor a brother so there’s no one to turn to when im old. this past few days, i came to conclude that friendship is forever, but sadly, not on my case. i’ve attached myself too much to people who are too busy with themselves and doesnt give a damn about me anymore. its hard to be left. but its harder to be left behind and pushed away. how i wish i met people who can prove to me that bffs are real. everybody just leaves. thats why i never planned my life when im old. cause im afraid to consider who will be there.
i dont know whats wrong lately but i hope i can bring my life to normal again. my head is a horrible place and my eyes gets smaller and smaller. life has its own way of making us strong but this one, this challenge i’ve been waiting to finish, is one hella one. i know life is precious but it makes me feel lifeless. as if i dont have a spirit. my life is a big mess right now. and i just couldn’t find where to seek my energy. its as if its better to live a life after death. cause atleast there, i know i wouldn’t feel this melancholic. i cant find happiness. no, lemme rephrase it. i already found happiness but they dont like me anymore.
Juiced 10:22 PM
