October 9, 10, 16 & 17 aftermath.
Sunday, October 17
i admit, i did not did my best when it comes to my review. i sometimes have those days that im overly irratatingly lazy. and i have never finished all my reviewer nor read every bit of my handout. i also admit that i've doubted myself so many times, to a point that after our first preboard, i would just want to quit. and up to this very moment, there's still tiny bit of a second that happens in my heart and mind that i've been afraid. not just afraid, its killingly mindfreaking insomiacly frightened with the 3 things that could happen. undoubtedly, you cant stop me thinking that way. i failed my 2 preboard exams in cpar.in undergrad, though there are times that i fail some exams, i have never experienced failing a subject. but that preboard, is somehow a practice for the actual. for me its like a subject in undergrad, thats why it hurts so much, to a point that i cried out of pitying myself for being so stupid. despite every efforts i made, everything ended as a big disappointment. i also want to admit that there came to a point in my mind that i want a very few people to fail. yeah. selfish. and very evil. people might hate me for thinking this way but i have a overly pathetic reason. if they'll fail, my probability of passing would increase. BUT after attending afternoon self review in room 4. i realized how important this is to everybody. how much everyone fights for that 3 letters. so i can safely say that i want every person i know, ofcourse me, and every God believers to pass. and i also want to admit that there comes a few moments that i doubted His time for me. and thats the biggest mistake i've done so far. and i'm sincerely sorry for doing that. He has been my Salvation and my Hope, i am trusting Him 101%.
so thats it! those are the negative things that i've been hiding inside my heart.its just a relief saying those things i've been too afraid to verbalize to everybody. now every people in the world knows how crazy am i. and look how pathetic am i, i've checked prc tonight despite i know the results would be released tomorrow. the day many lives of my colleagues will change. the day my life will change. i dont just want nor need to be positive. i am positive! God has showed me His saving powers for my graduation last march, now october, i believe He will listen to my prayers. God is good. i strongly believe that we just need to ask, through prayers and He will give it to us. Ask and you should receive. To my very loving Creator, i'm sorry if You need to carry my cross again. i kept asking, but thats the only resort i can lean on. Its the only way i know, aside from studying, would be the reason why i would pass. So now, i can safely say that i've gave my best. because i have gave my faith with God. Thank You God. i want to make You proud. i will make You proud i promise. im so happy you love us so much. So to all my fellow CPAs who is waiting for the result, keep on praying. and after the results, keep on praying. and for the rest of our lives, keep on praying. Because we are human created by the Best Dad that loves us indefinitely. So help us God. Thank You God! I LOVE YOU!^^,
Juiced 10:40 PM
