secret post from the past
Tuesday, April 20
"I know that you need to be away from me so that my love for you will never be deeper and deeper each day." Nov 4, '06 1:35 AM
for you
this was a very short excerpt i read from my blog entry many years ago. as usual, my impulsive self suddenly want to read a certain blog i wrote for myself. thankfully, it was here on my multiply account. i was really young, not so innocent but literarily driven that time. writing had become my best medium of surviving from my depressions and angst, and who wouldn't forget, my hidden feelings. its weird to hear myself say that because these past few weeks i have been avoiding writing so that i can have sanity and serenity on my mind but after being inspired by that entry, i couldn't resist to write.
i would want to say a little background about that sentence. actually, it was not originally a blog entry but rather, it was a letter that was unsent because im to weak to do it. so i entitled it "the unsaid". lol, very cheesy young me back then. it was a letter addressed to a person who became so special to me. that time, i think, i couldn't hold my feelings anymore but im too weak to show it. that is why writing has been my outlet.
i am pretty sure right now, i dont feel the same way anymore. i have fully and absolutely moved on and grew up from what we had before. that is why after tonight, i had the full courage to reread that entry that crushes my heart everytime i read it before. it was like watching a comedy film while i was reading it this time. but when i bumped to that phrase, i started to be teary eyed. it's not that the feelings came back but somewhere, i realized that i did something good in the past that woke up my present and i hope, would be a good step for my future. i just simply love that realization i made few years back. i wasn't expecting to hear something from me to say something like that nowadays. thanks to my past emo and hopelessly romantic self that i hate but secretly love right now. that woke me up. and i hope i can listen from myself and to Him from now on. it was really fun looking back at things. thank God, He let us invent writing.
Juiced 3:56 AM
