and so im back for a while. since yesterday, i never felt uneasy. i havent blog for so long so i feel im being insane right now. i want to say a lot but i need to make everything secret. and all of what happened since last thursday was tormenting me. i feel so guilty about it. to that person i've sinned so much though helped me so much, im really sorry. though you wouldnt be able to read this cause i choose to hide the truth to you, i feel so guilty that i cant even say sorry on what have i done to you. i know im so selfish but its the only way to get what i want. which made me lie to you bigtime. im really really sorry. i dunno if i could smile to you when we meet, but God knows how much i desired for it. i never intend to make you believe. for all the people, it is you who believed in my lies that i need to live between our worlds. i feel so ashamed of myself. there's no turning back. and i know you will hate me if i'll say to you the truth. it's one of the biggest lies i made in my life. i really really feel bad about it but i have no choice but to do it. time made me do it. and my impatience and selfishness. im trully a bad person. if only you knew how much im feeling bad right now that from all the people in the world, it has been you that fate choose to believe in my lies. i hope you will forgive me. And most importantly, i hope God will forgive me. i know i will be punished with what i did but its the only way i know. nothing else promise. im really really sorry. i just need to say this to you cause i know i wouldnt be able to tell you this. never ever. cause i dont want to lose what we have.
now i know how a murderer feels when he successfully hides himself from the crime scene. i just feel ultimately uneasy, paranoid, guilty, unfocused and nervous of being caught. you almost hesitated but i won by another lie. today was one close one. and today was the peak of all the lies i did. if God will punish me, just subtract my life span please. im really sorry. i hope you'll understand soon. and i hope i could tell you the truth. sorry. sorry! sorry so much.
i hope i can feel better after writing this.
Juiced 12:31 AM
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Name: JiN
Birthdate: MaY 1
School: Orange Academy
Email: catch me if you can
